Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Painful Honesty Day

No strangers to being contrary, April 1st is when the good people of the 'Stan celebrate "Painful Honesty" day. Rather than hoaxing our friends, loved ones, and co-workers, we instead use today to tell them those little things that we ordinarily hold back:

"I didn't vote in 2000."
"I did, but for Buchanan, but accidentally."
"I did, for Buchanan, on purpose."
(these examples are, of course, taken from ex-pats who still enjoy our noble traditions.)

"It wasn't a bunch of pillows under the covers. It was your sister."
"Everytime we've played cribbage, I've cheated."
"That mole of yours has gotten bigger. And I'm glad about it."
"I'd fire you if I had the guts."
"You'd fire me if you had the guts."
"Your dog is soooo stupid."
"Chowder is not supposed to be crunchy."

It's all a great lead-in to April 2nd, the even more cherished "National Fist Fight Day".

Which, due to technical issues, is today.

Monday, March 31, 2003

The National Dance

1)Put hands on hips, turn face to the right.
2)Shake it a little (not your face, "it").
3)Turn face to the left.
4)Shake it some more (still talking about "it").
5)Blush, remove hands from hips, put in pockets.
6)Look down at feet.
7)Kick an imaginary stone.
8)Mutter something about not being good at this kind of expression, you being mainly a verbal person and all.

It's a great way to keep in shape! Plus if you don't dance, we beat you!

(Just kidding, that stopped back in '79. The ambassador will tell you about the riots sometime.)

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